| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2006|12:54 am] |
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Well, long time since my last post. I even forgot that I had an account (thanks, Chris!). Lot of things had happen since last time. Right know I'm focus on school; I need to get in to Grad school no matter what. I'm exhausted emotionally, I know that sooner or later I'll have to leave. I don't see myself doing it here & my job is not helping at all. To be honest, I move to FL because I was afraid of change, but I'm not so sure that I made the right decision. At least I took matters in my hands and I'm taking prep courses to get in Master's. However, after June I really don't know if FL will still being my home. I already spoke to my roommates and they are very supportive. Right now, my eyes are pointing toward Texas, My best friend just bought a house and since he's going overseas he offered me renting the place for a year. I kinda almost there because rent in TX is damn cheap (FL is killing me!!!!). Nevertheless, Orlando has great things, I met the coolest people over here, and I don't think I'm ready to leave them here. That's why I'd been changing my attitude lately...treasuring every moment I spend with them, thankful because I had them in my life. I feel so lucky |
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| Cuando medito, la mayoría del tiempo lo hago en español |
[Jul. 9th, 2005|12:43 am] |
Hoy me dió con darle un update a mi peq lj, tal ves pq tengo muchas cosas en mi cabeza. Podria empezar con mi grado de estupidez, pues no he conocido persona más masoquista que yo. Me siento como un yo-yo, entre sentimientos y sentirme completamente vacía. Me deprimo mucho pues soy una persona que necesita ese alguien especial a su lado. Dependo demasiado de tener alguien a quien querer, a quien amar. Se que en estos momentos hace rato que debí haber mandado al infierno a la persona con la cual salgo, pues realmente para el yo no soy nada, el entretenimiento de la semana o algo asi. Sin embargo, cada vez que trato de sacarmelo del sistema termino perdonando, volviendo a empezar, en otras palabras siendo mas pendeja que antes. No quiero estar sola, la verdad me aterra no tener a alguien a quien darle todo mi ser...sin embargo darme a cambio de nada...aguantando ser completamente ignorada por semanas... no se. Tal vez vivo de un sueño, de una fantasía que no existe....sueño con tener amor en mi vida, por que no hay nada como amar y ser amado. Me cansé de dar... pues al final por mas que digas que tu das sin esperar nada a cambio...en el amor eso no funciona de la misma manera. LLoro porque el amor nunca regresa. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2005|12:06 am] |
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Life is full of surprises....One day you may feel terrible,depressed, tired, out of life; however there's always a way out.Someone will come to your rescue, but the thing is Who is coming.I cannot believed that after all you said, it was you who blown that barrier that you just made.But there's one thing I cannot deny....I really like having you around :)Thank you for letting me have a glimpse of your soul. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|11:13 am] |
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I'm still alive, just struggling to keep myself focus. At this time I'm over Guest Services for Disney and I like it so far. IT will help me to pay for college which is more expensive than I thought (252$ a credit). It feels so weird not being in mayaguez anymore, but it's goood to try different things. I miss my best friends so bad. Let's see when I have time to see them. |
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| 09-13-04 |
[Sep. 13th, 2004|03:44 pm] |
I survived two hurricanes in one months, so I'll be fine.
I will have my internet back soon.
Take care everyone.
Love you all! |
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| Finally at home...well |
[Aug. 1st, 2004|06:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mask - Dir en Grey | ] |
HI!!! I'm alive. Well, I just figured out that I have to work from 630am - 300pm tomorrow, so I will go to bed some time soon. Definetly I will write a juicy update tomorrow, so you will know what I been up to. About my friends,well... let's say that I'm handling everything with extreme precaution.
I miss you girls, SO MUUUCCCHHHHH
I LOVE YOU ALL |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2004|01:18 am] |
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Be there tomorrow.... I hope so. I don't like planes that much, ne. It will begin in a few hours. Wish me luck,a lot of hugs and kisses to all my friends. |
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| July 13.2004 |
[Jul. 13th, 2004|05:11 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Eden (to destination)- from Yami no Matsuei | ] |
Confused, God I really am.
How to start…well I don’t even know how to.
Maybe what I need is just someone to listen,
but the problem is that I afraid that I’m also looking
for someone to tell me what to do
Huge mistake!
“Let it flow!”, I just recently heard this last night
and I don’t know if I should do it, even I don’t know how to interpret that.
If someone tells you that they feel guilty, what you should think? What would you do?
I’m still with no answers.
In a few days, I ‘m going back there, with my head full of dreams,
I’m hoping to find some sort of happiness.
Let’s see if I would find what I’m really looking for, or they will just kind
of tear my wings.
I’ll miss my friends so much. |
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| July 9,2004 |
[Jul. 9th, 2004|02:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Akuro no Oka - Dir en Grey | ] |
Well, Just an update...
I'll be back in FL on July 24, finally got a driver's license...and waiting for my test. Let's see how everything turns out. |
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| July 7,2004 |
[Jul. 7th, 2004|02:51 pm] |
Tohru. You are Tohru, the sweetheart of the series
who is good at cooking, cleaning, working hard
and taking care of everyone else but yourself
at times. Sometimes you hide pain behind that
smile of yours and have to be strong to survive
life.
Which Fruits Basket Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2004|12:40 am] |
I kiss you in my dreams; send all my love, living my fantasies in you. I’m always wishing you the best, but I saying that I don’t want to see you anymore it’s the biggest lie I could think of.
I would like to see your thoughts, witness the reasons behind your attitude.
Why me? What do you want from me?
In the meantime, I’ll be here just in case you need me |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2004|11:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Audience Killer Loop- Dir en Grey | ] |
How I feel? Well, it had been a lot of bittersweet moments in the last week and a half.
Bitterness because I got depress about my friend dealing with their own problems, about myself and trying to accept me as I am, about war and all the abominations that it carries.
It got worst when they aired the capture and beheading of a korean citizen early this week, when I heard him crying for help, for his life. I couldn't help but vomit. Two days later, a picture appeared on the paper, his graduation picture. I felt so hopeless when I realized the resemblance, it really looked like my best friend. Next day, I was watching TV when they interrupted to say that they had murdered him. I can't describe the awful feeling, but I start shaking and I couldn't hold my tears any longer. It felt like they killed someone very close to me, but really it was a complete stranger.
I couldn't eat, plus I went to bed early, just to have awful nightmares.
When this vicious killings will stop?
Why it's so difficult to understand that we are unwelcome?
Why they can't just give them the power to decide what to do with their country?
I would be as angry as them if I know that a foreign country is making decisions for me. BUT KILLING PEOPLE IS OUTRAGEOUS!
And I feel so bad about the good people involved here, civilians, that doesn't have anything to do with it, but they have see every single day as the last because of terrorist acts or crossfire.
Let's hope that this horrible nightmare comes to an end.
Sweetness... well I see my family in a regular basis, my driving has improved a lot, and ...he is ok.
Let's see if I can end my week with Harry Potter III!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2004|03:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Undecided- Dir en Grey | ] |
My life is just a mess right now, between moving out, established myself in Florida, and getting my license.
Emotionally, I don’t know what to say.
About my parents, they are fine, already used to my absence. Right now we have a better communication that ever. I really missed them. The only hard thing about this visit is that I saw the fragileness of their lives, they are getting sick once in a while, they can’t perform at the same level, things like that. This may sound a little bit stupid but I always saw my parents as healthy, like rocks, but as time passed by you realize that they are also humans and they won’t be with you forever.
I saw my aunt, finally. She is doing fine, and looks great with her new hair. After chemotherapy, she lost all her hair, but its back. I will go to exercise with her next week, expend all the time that I can before I leave.
Take care everybody!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2004|11:31 pm] |
It’s being crazy, sometimes even thinking if I’m really sane or just dreaming my entire life.
I barely sleep, sometimes because I’m worried about failure, because it rained so much, even worried, thinking if I’m sleeping in a good position.
Lately, I realized that I’m taking care of myself, not because of me but because of someone else. I’m so stupid!!!!!! Why taking care for someone that’s not going to be there? I really wanted to slap myself because of this silly attitude. Start to think about yourself, not because of someone but because of you!
But even thought, I haven’t stop thinking about him….and I’ve tried so hard.
I just want to be happy, be there for someone, give myself.
I’m so tired of giving hugs to my teddy, to talk to him like he was made of flesh and blood.
At the end, Kyo has become my best friend.
To my friend, I send to you all my love tonight, and my best wishes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 9th, 2004|11:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Akuro no Oka- Dir en Grey | ] |
For my friends....now tell me if you are ok with this description :)
| I | Inspirational | | L | Luscious | | I | Influential | | A | Ambitious | | N | Neat | | A | Awkward |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com |
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| June 6.2004 |
[Jun. 6th, 2004|11:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | relaxed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dir en Grey - Amber | ] |
Finally home.
Being here feels like nothing that I experience during last year really happened,
It feels like time just stop.
Really it feels quiet,relaxing.
But as I rest my head in my pillow they're several images that comes to my mind every few minutes.
There's one place that I would love to be right now... the thing is that I don't know if I'm welcome. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2004|02:01 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Cage - Dir en Grey | ] |
Today I went to Washington DC, just to have some good time. I was so excited that I was the first one to wake up, even prepare breakfast for everybody. Everything seems ok, ready for an adventure with my CD player with me.
As I played my Dir en Grey cd’s, flashbacks of my first visit to Washington DC came to my mind; the museums, the sea of people wandering around the National Mall, the hot summer weather, and of course family.
How far from that previous experience was this time…
I knew something wasn’t ok as soon as we reach the city. My uncle urged me to lock every single door as we approached capital city. Then, after finding a good parking lot I realized that it wasn’t the same Washington that I loved years ago.
It looked like a ghost city, barely anyone in the streets, not even traffic. I got kind of worried because it seem so unnatural from a city so important like that one. Then when we approached the first museum I had my first Baggage and ID inspection. YEAH!!!!!
How far fear can take us to applied extreme measures. You cannot walk freely in DC without a Valid ID, and your bag non- inspected. Not to mention how rude the security guards were.
Anyhow, at the end I had a lot of fun. We went to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, the Smithsonian Museum of Art, two other art museums very close to the Smithsonian Castle (with the Chinese, Japanese, and Korean art collections), and the Washington Monument. I also heard and saw the cicadas (a huge flying insects that comes every summer) invading Washington DC.
After a day in Capital city, with only hot dogs in our stomachs, we finished the day with the best of the best…Chinese food (with a gorgeous cashier I’d seen in my life) ermmm…taking our order.
It was a nice day, despite the fact that we were subject of inspections every two hours, but it’s ok. At least you can feel kind of safe in those places.
Tomorrow I’m going fishing and sailing!
I’m happy… he cares!!!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 21st, 2004|11:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Evanescence - My Immortal | ] |
Here I’m, in the middle of nowhere,
wandering about what makes me happy
organizing my hopes, my ideas...
myself
Caught myself in the middle of the river.
I just stop paddling, without any reason
let the current take me wherever it wanted to
Me, in the middle of the Patuxent river in a kayak, with a little paddle.
Then, like it’s been happening during the last days
you image came to my mind
Its haunting me, always;
when I woke up, when I eat, during shopping,
when I breathe...you’re always there.
Suddenly, I realized that I was too far away from the shore
I need to go back
Then I saw my cousin face, calling me
yelling at me to come back, smiling
I returned, but you never left my mind.
I'm going to Washington D.C. Tomorrow |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2004|11:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | relaxed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Amber- Dir en Grey | ] |
Here I am, Maryland, a place that feels so far away from reality, a very peaceful place. It’s so different from Orlando that’s scary.
See my family after so long time it’s a complete relief, despite the fact that I’m really not doing anything productive, just studying and help in everything that I could. Is very relaxing, even taking a shower without thinking that I will be late it’s such a pleasure!!!! NO words can describe it. But this won’t last forever. Everything will change in August, when I will be completely independent (which is not completely true, I’m being independent since August 2003). It’s just that I will have to find a place to live.
About my emotions, I’m okay, it’s just that I miss a lot of things, specially all the people I had around me for months. I really can’t wait to return to Florida. But there’s something more special than going back to FL, I will see mom, dad, and grandma. I missed them so much.
In two weeks I’ll be back home, so I will see my friends once again. I’m so excited about it!!!
About the things I’m been doing up here-
On my first day I went to work in a bunny farm. It was very nice having contact with fury friends, and helped my cousin in her voluntary job.
On my second day I pay my bills (not so funny!!!), but I also went grocery shopping for them, and walk around Solomon’s Island.
Today, I went to an Amish community (they really exist!!!) to buy some corn, and plants. I also lay out for a nice tan (that I really needed!!!), and bought some groceries.
All these days I’ve been studying for my test.
I’m going sailing this weekend.
I’m really having a lot of fun up here, but the best it’s that I don’t have to worry about working, just relax and do everyday stuff. I wish it could be always like this. |
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